I apologize for all of the pictures. I find that, daily I am taking tons of pictures with my blackberry and can't help but share them with you. I can't believe how big the boys are getting. Tonight when Parker was stretched out in the bathtub, I couldn't believe he was able to reach both ends :( But, I have to admit..can I admit something? I love that my boys are growing up. I love that they are getting somewhat easier, that Parker understands me when I talk to him.
Now, on the other hand, just because Parker understands me doesn't mean that he always does what I tell him to. And, sometimes he just throws himself down. Sometimes, I want to ..."jerk a knot in him" as I heard growing up. I've learned that Parker Jay is strong-willed. He is determined. In everything. I think that's why sometimes we butt heads and he stomps his foot at me, I stomp my foot back at him...and it goes on ...and on. But, when he's tired, sleepy, sick or just cuddly--he comes to me and that's when I know. That's when I feel that special love. The love between a mother and her son.
I'm really learning that for a few more years, I'm not really going to have much of a life. And, sometimes that KILLS me. I whine, I cry, I resent. I mean, really people. No shopping for myself, no lavish parties, no straightening my hair DAILY, heck...honestly, I'm lucky if my legs are shaved once in a 2 week period! And, being a spirited individual, I have to say that it's taken a toll on my spirit. And, lately for some reason, even more so. I don't care- I will tell you right now that I don't love being a mom every second or every day. I'm sorry. There's just more to me as an individual than being a mom. And, honestly, I'm not a very patient person. I realize that I used to get on my knees and pray for a child, pray for a family. I know people, friends who continue to pray for a child and continue to struggle with infertility. I know what a sin it is of me to write of the above things. I cannot help but feel them. And, I have to be honest. But, my children have begun to MAKE me. I can't go back to ever being or thinking or sleeping or breathing not a mother. That is a robe I will always wear. I guess, it's just scary. It's scary not having time to be you. To read, to hike, to shop, to sleep in on Saturdays, to spend dollars on yourself without feeling guilty. And, to top it all...I'm fat. Yep, fattest I've ever been in my life. Well, less than when I was pregnant with Seth..but barely. Those oreos on a stressful day, they make it better. Immediately. That milkshake in the car when the kids are screaming helps immediately. Starbucks, yep. Chickfil a? Yep. I can say that I haven't "let myself go" but I have definitely gone. And, that sucks. It really does. I mean, who wants to spend the happier part of their 20s fat? NOT I. And, if I skip a meal or deny myself of something that I want, I'm ill about it. UGh. Let me know if you find any sneaky ways to lose weight. I'm down. I'm SOO down.
Okay I'm done. F#CK BATHING SUITS- I'm wearing my hoodie and jeans in the pool this year!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Rainboots
Thursday was rainday in Raleigh. It was dark, gloomy, grey. For those of you who read Twilight, the day was like something out of Forks. My rainboots, they're not grey. They are bangin red. Red PAISLEY to be exact. My mom and stepdad George (love that name) got them for me on my birthday this year. They must have known that April showers were on the way. I hate to say this, because I LOVE the sunshine and feel well overdue for some...but....I kindof like the rainy days. And with rainboots on, I can splash in the puddles with Parker Jay and feel like a kid again too. And, sometimes I wear them when it isn't raining. Well, because they are so cute. Mom and George gave me about 10 packs of seeds for my birthday too. I planted them a few weeks ago..in the rain. :0) I'm hoping that the sunflowers and the wild flowers will start to peek out of the ground soon. Flowers, ugh I love 'em. We have this AMAZING back patio porch that is covered and has a ceiling fan and all. We haven't bought any furniture for out there yet. When we moved in, it was a priority. Somehow it has slipped a few spots down the list. I daydream of sitting out there and playing cards this summer, you know with our citronella candles burning and off bug spray on, sipping homemade sweet tea and snacking on...WATERMELON. I can't say that I love any season more than the next. I'm always ready for the next one and the next one. There are so many fun things about spring (besides the pollen) but I love the summer. I'm always ready for the crunch of leaves in the fall- with orange skies and the smell of burning leaves. Mulling spices on the stove..cinnamon sticks. Oh, isn't the imagery of the seasons wonderful? I have no idea why I'm rambling on about such things. I sit here at work and dream of all sorts of things. How I love walking barefoot along the edge of where the ocean meets the land, and feeling the oceanwater spray me in the face as the tide rolls in. I love the wet sand in my toes. The sand between my toes is like times past...everything coming full circle. It's been awhile since I've been to the beach. And then, those mountains...lush. Green. Full of life. Full of newness, fresh air, animals. Life. Jagged rocks and pristine waterfalls. Birds and houses tucked waaaay back in the trees and up hills and up and down winding roads. More gravel than concrete.
Life is good. What a gift it is to dream. To be able to center myself, and dream.
Thank you God, for I am not a lot of things...but I am a dreamer.
~Kimmie
Life is good. What a gift it is to dream. To be able to center myself, and dream.
Thank you God, for I am not a lot of things...but I am a dreamer.
~Kimmie
Friday, March 26, 2010
LavitaDulce
Jay and I, plus 2 went to Southpoint (mall) yesterday. It's quite an elaborate place--with places like NORDSTROM, MACY's, and a coffee shop named LavitaDulce. (THE SWEET LIFE)...oh, and let me tell you..their coffee is divine! What a name for a sweet little coffee shop! I loved the cup so much, that I couldn't help but snap a picture of it in the car on the way home. Throughout the mall, there are little bronze children. They are on landings, on bicycles, you name it. Parker saw one and started talking to the little boy. My heart warmed up inside me. He patted the little boy's head and bent down. I whipped out my camera and couldn't resist. His childish wonder, friendliness. So sweet. I wanted to share the picture with you. Also, I came home inspired. After the boys went to bed I tore out all of my fabric pieces, dishtowels from target, and ribbons. I setup my sewing machine on the kitchen table and went to town. I'm really proud of the dishtowels. They are very spring-y. Of course, I woke up today and it's grey. So, the dishtowels are great to see. I've got to figure out an avenue to sell these cutesy things I'm making. Hope y'all enjoy the pictures, and the prospect of spring!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
About to be starting something.... please note my Holly Aiken bag hanging out with the ribbon
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Wednesday Workday
So, my schedule was all bumped up this week, as it has been the last few. I am soOOOoo rotten and used to working the weekends and having a stretch of 4 off every week. This week, I am working Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. ECK> NOT okay!! This past week- on Tuesday, we had an awesome time. **Please see pics below. There's a picture of Jay and Parker Jay at the top of the slide. Jay's face is sooo funny! And, there's a picture of Parker Jay on the ground by a teeny weeny tiny tree. He loves to play hide and seek, you see. And, well...he said "Daddy, count 14" that means count to 14. He ran to hide behind that little tree. How darling is that?! We just laughed and laughed! Seth seemed to have fun too. He laughs a lot at Parker.
Parker....he's a cuddler. He loves to try to sneak in our bedroom and sleep with us. And, usually around 8am he sneaks in and we let him stay. He puts his arms around our necks and ugh...so sweet!
Seth....he's a cuddler too. How did I get so lucky to have 2 cuddly boys?! Seth cries in his crib and as soon as he sees me..his hands extend up. UGH --that's not the klincher. The klincher is that I pick him up and he plops his head right down on me. It's so sweet. Actually, it's priceless and I don't take it for granted at all.
I'm a sleepy girl right now, blogging from work at 2:56am. Oh how I wish I was at home snuggled up and out like a light!
I hope that it's cool outside and dreary today--so I can sleep :0) Maybe Jay Ronald and I will open the windows. I dunno, his allergies are horrible.
Hugs!!
~Kimmie
Parker....he's a cuddler. He loves to try to sneak in our bedroom and sleep with us. And, usually around 8am he sneaks in and we let him stay. He puts his arms around our necks and ugh...so sweet!
Seth....he's a cuddler too. How did I get so lucky to have 2 cuddly boys?! Seth cries in his crib and as soon as he sees me..his hands extend up. UGH --that's not the klincher. The klincher is that I pick him up and he plops his head right down on me. It's so sweet. Actually, it's priceless and I don't take it for granted at all.
I'm a sleepy girl right now, blogging from work at 2:56am. Oh how I wish I was at home snuggled up and out like a light!
I hope that it's cool outside and dreary today--so I can sleep :0) Maybe Jay Ronald and I will open the windows. I dunno, his allergies are horrible.
Hugs!!
~Kimmie
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Time Out
So, I think today I took a time out. You know, where you think...this is really MY life. I mean...of course it's my life, it's going on all around me. I'm tired, I'm sleep-deprived, no vacation in I dunno how long. I'm raising 2 boys. Really raising them. I'm making them into people! (Okay, side note...they both have come pre-programmed with many things...things I KNOW I didn't teach them :) But, really...sometimes the severity of it all...whew. It's wild. I mean, it makes me look at my mom differently. I mean, she's still young. Heck, she probably feels the youngest she has in a long time after having no kids in the house. But, I just can't believe that these people..they're my FAMILY. There are so many people who don't really have family. They are my age, still partying it up on the weekends, still living under their parent's roof...still having their car insurance under their parents name. I mean. Who are they, really? I'm finally starting to know who I am. Is that crazy? I mean, now that I know all the things I'd like to be, to do, to see...I really can't. I can't help but wonder if that happens to everyone. It's like, I didn't really grow up until I had kids. And, that's a blessing. It's wonderful. And, it's a joy to be able to see something grow and change and become GOOD right before my eyes.But, I also see that the responsibility is overwhelming in moments. Especially those moments that I take a time out and really think about what it is I'm doing.
Random-- the other day, we were going to walmart or somewhere. We told Parker Jay to get his shoes on. He went and got his favorite Lightning McQueen slippers. We were going to tell him that he needed to change and put his sneakers on. But, decided not to. You know what...you're only 2 and a half once in your life. And, if you want to wear your slippers to the store...so be it. I kinda learned something about myself in that moment. It's all about what makes us happy, you know? I always make Parker hold our hands in the parking lot, I always make sure that he brushes his teeth before bed. Those are things I am firm about. But, slippers to walmart? Naaaa, I let that slide. The hard part is knowing what to let slide and what to be firm on.
Happy Spring!! I heard through the grapevine that M&Ms are out now in pastels for spring...all the more reason to have a handful or two? I think spring time and sunshine and well, M&Ms...their goodness just goes deep to the soul!
~Kimmie
Random-- the other day, we were going to walmart or somewhere. We told Parker Jay to get his shoes on. He went and got his favorite Lightning McQueen slippers. We were going to tell him that he needed to change and put his sneakers on. But, decided not to. You know what...you're only 2 and a half once in your life. And, if you want to wear your slippers to the store...so be it. I kinda learned something about myself in that moment. It's all about what makes us happy, you know? I always make Parker hold our hands in the parking lot, I always make sure that he brushes his teeth before bed. Those are things I am firm about. But, slippers to walmart? Naaaa, I let that slide. The hard part is knowing what to let slide and what to be firm on.
Happy Spring!! I heard through the grapevine that M&Ms are out now in pastels for spring...all the more reason to have a handful or two? I think spring time and sunshine and well, M&Ms...their goodness just goes deep to the soul!
~Kimmie
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About Me
- Oak City Books
- Welcome to my blog. It's a dedicated place for my book reviews, criticism, and love of all things bookish. I am a mom of 4 busy kids that uses reading as my, "thing." I find that reading books turns off all (okay, mostly all?) of the noise of my world and lets me get away for a bit. Reading helps me escape the reality of the piles of laundry that will never be done, the dust bunnies that I swear will one day grow legs, and the emails and outlook calendar that occupy my life Monday- Friday during working hours. Reading is therapy for me and always has been. I've always been a big dork, introverted, creative, and reflective. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd probably open up a used bookstore with my standard poodle somewhere on the side of the mountain and surround myself by others who enjoy passing their time reading. Until then, I'll keep on keeping on. And, I'll settle for reading when I can. Which, I try to fit in as much as possible. Cheers to your busy life and mine, doing the best we can, as often as we can.