It's beginning to look a lot like we're having TWINS!

Today we are 29 weeks pregnant and some change with our sweet boy/girl twins Katie May and Isaac. We had a growth scan today which is just a specific ultrasound that looks at things like fluid levels around the babies, their hearts, their bellies, their heads, etc. We were told by the physician that reviewed our ultrasound that if the babies were born at this point that they would probably be perfectly fine. This was a HUGE relief. It's pretty amazing really. OF COURSE, we want the babies to be born when they are supposed to be. But, the worry of preterm labor isn't so concerning at this point. We got some good ultrasound pictures, a few 3D/4D not sure...anyways. It is just amazing to see these little people growing inside of me. When I stop to think about 2 little beings...2 little souls in there with personality traits, physical characteristics of hubs and I and...so much love...I get a little overwhelmed about it all. I cannot begin to imagine really how much these too little souls are going to change our lives. Seriously, you would think I COULD imagine. I've already got 2 boys at home. You would think I would at least be able to IMAGINE. But, I cannot. I can imagine how sleepy I am going to be and how sleepy Jay is going to be. I can imagine how frustrating it's going to be everytime the boistrous boys wake up the twins because they are being typical boys. I can even imagine the expense of twins..diapers, etc. But, I cannot imagine the love. I just cannot. I can't imagine it being more than I already have for them now.
  As I look at myself in the mirror- at work, at home, in the windows outside...I can only see an external BLOB. It's hard for me to really understand that they are in there cozy, lovey, and growing. It's hard for me to remember all the time that this demolition of my external body is only leading the way to something more miraculous and ever-changing on the inside -of my soul, and of their little bodies. It's difficult to remember what it felt like being in shape again and able to run up the stairs without getting out of breath or even shaving my legs in the shower for goodness sake! But, just a few months ago when we were trying to get pregnant again, I would have given it all for that positive pregnancy test.
  How special and blessed I am as the mother of 4 children. 4 souls. 4 loves. How miraculous it is that the secret yearning in my heart was not only satisfied with a girl but I was blessed with another rumbly tumbly cuddly boy as well to love and learn from.
  I must say that now that I am working Mon-Fri I feel an extreme sense of guilt for being away from the children during the week and for leaving the task of doing lots of the raising to my husband. He loves us though. There's no other reason why he would do it. When we first started dating, I cannot recall the details but he did something for me or took care of me in some way. And, I told him that he didn't have to do that. You know, being miss independent and all. And I specifically remember him saying, "when you love someone, that's what you do. You take care of them." I think that the best thing that 2 parents can do for their children is to love each other. And, to take care of each other. It's overwhelming to think about the rest of the world. The violence, the sadness, the drugs, the abuse and neglect and the teasing. It's hard because all of their exposure to those things to some degree are completely out of our hands. But, we can show them what it's supposed to be like. What love is. How 2 people love each other. And, it is my hope that with some consistency, communication, and lots of love that all 4 of our little children will grow up to be phenomenal people. Heck, they already all are! How wonderful.
I think that if there's one thing that describes how I'm feeling at 29 weeks pregnant with twins...it's thankful. Thankful for THIS time, THIS place, THIS love, and all of THESE people that no one other than GOD himself could have sent into my life.
Kim