decisions decisions...

Well, let's see. ... I'm very happy to have a job. How about that? I'm very happy to work for the hospital I work for. I love the hospital and the RNs and MDs that are here. I love the teamwork and the personalities of the people that work here, the culture. I must say, I am kindof stagnant in my career and looking to do something more...CONCRETE. Having my 2nd baby really threw me for a loop in a lot of ways, mentally, DEFINITELY physically and somehow has put my career on hold. I am totally and happily okay with that. However, I want to find my niche you know? I've been saying this over and over again to many friends, my poor tireless husband, and myself since well.....right after Sethie was born. I mean...I just want to pick! Emergency ? Pediatrics? Women's care? Surgery? Cardiac. I feel like I've been all of the above and now that I have 5 years of experience as an RN, I should be able to choose. So...I'm putting myself out there, I'm sending emails. I am going to sacrifice..and choose. I'm going to choose. And, once I jump head first into whatever it is I choose, I'm not going to look back. I'm going to focus on it. If it's cardiac, I'm going to know all those rhythms and be able to spit them out at you and count them. I'm going to be able to graph them and tell you exactly what to do. If it's specifically OR, I'm going to learn all of my tools, extractors, clamps, forceps and I'm going to be able to draw them for you. If it's pediatrics, I'm going to keep doing the same thing, if it's Emergency, I will obtain trauma certification and dream of chest compressions and rapid sequence intubations. I will know my drips frontwards and backwards. But, this. This. THIS. It's not conducive to my success on the inside of me. It's not filling me up. Because it's a smorgasboard. My mother always said to do one thing and do it well. I want to be knowledgeable ablout a lot of things but a PRO at one. I feel like I am taking it on and swimming in a sea of this and that. I have a hunger for knowledge. BUT I want to be able to concentrate on MY area of expertise. PEDS, Emergency medicine, Flight nurse, OR nurse, trauma nurse,etc etc...
It is the little prayer in my little fat heart that my strong will and determination will perservere over the obstacles that stand in my way. I am a damn good nurse, a damn good person. And, I'm smart. I can think on my toes, I can chart like a son of a gun. I can draw labs and calm a crazy person down. I know how to persuade kids to take their medicine and how to hold them down and give it to them when that doesn't work. I know how much Toradol and Ativan and Morphine are too much. I know when to page a physician and when to let the stool softener wait until the morning. I'm no brain surgeon. BUT if someone taught me, I very well could be. And, I'm tired of just passing through...just going on with the flow. I'm ready to really make something of my career and be respected for that. Artists and poets, architects and professors all must work at their craft for awhile before they are good. I've worked at my craft and I'm ready to show people wassup. I'm ready for the learning and growing to continue.
Sorry...my ranting and raving is ending now.
I hope and pray that you guys are happy and fulfilled in your job. It's your home away from home. It's the reason you leave your family and loved ones everyday. And, if you don't LOVE it...you've gotta find it. Because, you're a disservice to the human race and progression and the ONENESS if you're not.
Up until now, I've been just a tumbleweed. I'm ready to lay down my roots and grow.
Most sincerely yours,
Kimmie