Big boy walking
Oh yeah, I wanted to post about one of the pictures below in the blog before I forget how pivotal the moment was. There's a picture of Parker Jay, walking down the steps on this page. When I took the picture, there were teardrops falling off of my heart. I realized that, oh my gosh...that's my Parker Jay...walking like a big boy down the stairs. Not just one stair- ALL of them. Not leaping from one to the other, not playing on them, not crawling up them or riding each one down on his butt. ...nope...WALKING like a real boy.
I cannot talk of that moment without also telling you that the other day I made myself go through his dresser drawers. I had to pull out all the stuff that no longer fits because I was having to jam clean stuff in and I didn't want to fight with the darn thing any longer. So, out flew overalls and onesies. ONESIES. I realized, OH NO.... there aren't any onesies that fit anymore! It's been months and months since he wore a onesie! Heck probably 6 months or more! And, that was a sad moment for me too. I filled 2 entire empty diaper boxes full to the brim of things he has outgrown. And, I realize that those are 2 very big moments. AH-HA moments as Oprah calls them. I'm proud. He's strong. He's strong-willed. He's independent. There's light in his eyes and joy in his heart. And, I pray that he always stays the same. I pray for energy. I pray for strength, because it's tiring. I'm tired and prematurely aging. I have no time to EVER straighten my hair. My toenail polish is chipped. I'm fat and don't exercise regularly...okay FINE, EVER. I don't get to sleep in. I eat horribly. The laundry piles up and some days I lose my patience with him. But, God...he's a darling. And, I'll get those things back. One day, my legs will be silky smooth every day. I'll be able to shave them whenever. I'll be able to take hour long walks and appreciate the birds singing and the wind in my hair. I just have to accept that these milestones...these moments in time that I realize he is growing up will continue to come. And, one day....one day I will ache because I will know that I will never be able to get those pre-moments back. And, then Sethie and all of his moments will follow. God, thank you for grace. Thank you for faith and hope. Thank you for making something out of me.
~Kimmie Faith Lewis
I cannot talk of that moment without also telling you that the other day I made myself go through his dresser drawers. I had to pull out all the stuff that no longer fits because I was having to jam clean stuff in and I didn't want to fight with the darn thing any longer. So, out flew overalls and onesies. ONESIES. I realized, OH NO.... there aren't any onesies that fit anymore! It's been months and months since he wore a onesie! Heck probably 6 months or more! And, that was a sad moment for me too. I filled 2 entire empty diaper boxes full to the brim of things he has outgrown. And, I realize that those are 2 very big moments. AH-HA moments as Oprah calls them. I'm proud. He's strong. He's strong-willed. He's independent. There's light in his eyes and joy in his heart. And, I pray that he always stays the same. I pray for energy. I pray for strength, because it's tiring. I'm tired and prematurely aging. I have no time to EVER straighten my hair. My toenail polish is chipped. I'm fat and don't exercise regularly...okay FINE, EVER. I don't get to sleep in. I eat horribly. The laundry piles up and some days I lose my patience with him. But, God...he's a darling. And, I'll get those things back. One day, my legs will be silky smooth every day. I'll be able to shave them whenever. I'll be able to take hour long walks and appreciate the birds singing and the wind in my hair. I just have to accept that these milestones...these moments in time that I realize he is growing up will continue to come. And, one day....one day I will ache because I will know that I will never be able to get those pre-moments back. And, then Sethie and all of his moments will follow. God, thank you for grace. Thank you for faith and hope. Thank you for making something out of me.
~Kimmie Faith Lewis
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