So, today I had a total breakdown in the car, and honestly I don't even know what it was about. Tears just welled up in my eyes and it was done. The hormones just TOOK over. Like they always do. Then, I got to work tonight with my 10 month pregnant self and was assigned a pt that the doctors are ruling out CMV on. CMV is a very harmful virus to pregnant women. It doesn't affect the woman AT ALL, it affects the unborn fetus. I took care of this same pt last night all night. When I heard they were working her up for CMV, I was just irrate, upset, tearful, aggrevated and....scared. Tears welled up in my eyes again...and the big fat crocodile ones started flooding. No matter what I did, they wouldn't stop. I was so mad at myself for crying in front of my coworkers (all of which are my friends.) and getting upset. I was upset that I was put in the position. The charge nurse from dayshift said, "Well, it's no big deal for you to take care of her tonight, you took care of her lastnight." And if the steam could be seen coming from my ears!!!! But, I just let it go. Kristen switched with me so I don't have to take care of her again tonight. However, it was really upsetting!
It seems that all of my worries surrounding my 40 week pregnancy are about fear. And, I'm tired of being afraid. I emailed my nurse manager of course, and asked her to please follow up with the patient's results and let me know what they were since I'll be off work tomorrow. Then, I started doing some research on the cdc's website. It seems that CMV is spread via body fluids--saliva,urine,sweat...you know. So, universal precautions is what they recommend. No biggie then, I used my gloves when dumping her urine, I washed my hands before and leaving her room. So now that I'm not hormonal and I can see things through clearly, I realize that ALL of that drama that I brought on myself and the tears and the hoopla and the fear...was for NOTHING. (Thank goodness). However, I would like to mention...that they recommend that people being worked up or diagnosed with CMV have no pregnant caregivers. Today has just been one big ball of hormones. And, I'm hoping they're the labor inducing kind. :0)
Of course, I apologized to my coworkers for my mess and hormones..and of course they all said they understood. I just feel like I've been waiting sooo long now to meet him. And, I know I talk about it everyday on here and it's getting old to some of the readers. But, I just am scared. I'm sooo scared. I want everything to go perfect. I don't want him to have trouble coming out or trouble breathing...I don't want him to rip me wide open. I want what is best for HIM. So it scares me when I feel like I am placed in situations I have no control over, like not knowing they were going to work that pt up today for CMV.
So, as a result of all the tears, my eyes burn like fire. And, I have about 8 more hours to go.
Love and baby hugs....NOW!
~Kimmie
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About Me
- Oak City Books
- Welcome to my blog. It's a dedicated place for my book reviews, criticism, and love of all things bookish. I am a mom of 4 busy kids that uses reading as my, "thing." I find that reading books turns off all (okay, mostly all?) of the noise of my world and lets me get away for a bit. Reading helps me escape the reality of the piles of laundry that will never be done, the dust bunnies that I swear will one day grow legs, and the emails and outlook calendar that occupy my life Monday- Friday during working hours. Reading is therapy for me and always has been. I've always been a big dork, introverted, creative, and reflective. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd probably open up a used bookstore with my standard poodle somewhere on the side of the mountain and surround myself by others who enjoy passing their time reading. Until then, I'll keep on keeping on. And, I'll settle for reading when I can. Which, I try to fit in as much as possible. Cheers to your busy life and mine, doing the best we can, as often as we can.
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