heartstrings

So, I'm at work. Night 3 of the week. I'll be off until Friday night. And, I have a heavy heart here. I really feel like I need to write about it to have my feelings out. But, if I honestly start right now...I think I will be a tearful, sopping mess. So, I will blog about it after I go home and have had some rest. No worries friends, it isn't anything going on with me personally. It's about a little patient that has pulled my heart out of my chest. I hope that God watches over her, loves her, wraps his arms around her and counts all of her tears. The Bible says that God knows the hairs on our heads and does hold all of our tears. He loves her. Unsure of why I am feeling this way about someone that really isn't even my patient. Amazed that I could be so moved and so vulnerable to these feelings.
Dear God in Heaven,
I hope that you hear my heart tonight. I hope that you hear my internal sobs and are holding the tears in your hands. I really hope that the circumstances that I cannot see are different that what I think that they are. I don't know why this little girl has come into my life and I don't know why I feel this longing and hurt for her. I hope that things get figured out really soon and that when she grows up, she forgets this pain.
I know that you hear me. I know that you hear me. HEAR me God, HEAR me. You said, let the children come to me. I know you love her. I know you HEAR me.
Amen.

I will blog more about this later.
I will squeeze my babies first. And thank my god for them and every.breath.they.take.

Kimmie

Sethie's Work

   Do you see the magic balls below? Let me tell you how they came about. Sethie wakes up every morning with the sun. He wakes up with work to do. He works on mixing my lotions and soaps by pouring them into the bathtub. He works on climbing in the pantry to reach the oatmeal. He works on bananas and was found to have eaten THREE the other morning (holy potassium batman!). So, you see...he works. 

    He also likes to go in my bathroom drawers. I have reminded him countless times that the drawers are "mommy's space" and that he is NOT to mess with them. He likes the colorful things, the chainy things, and the shiny things I guess. I don't know. 

    Yesterday I went to get ready for work and found these two hairties of mine hanging from the cabinet in the bathroom. A quiet sign that he had been there long before me. So, I called for him. I could hear him running from downstairs. When he reached me in the doorway of the bathroom, he gave me that grin. You know the grin. The grin that says, "you can't get mad at ME." I walked him into the bathroom, holding his arm tightly of course and pointed at the hairties hanging from my little cabinet doors. "What is THIS Sethie?" He shrugged his shoulders. No answer. So, I yelled at him, "What did mama tell you about going into MY things?!"  He shrugged his shoulders again. Now, by this point, I'm really annoyed and huffy puffy. I'm thinking to myself, "what am I going to do with this kid of mine?" Then, he says in his perfect, sweet voice, "Mom, these are your magic balls. I got them out for you so that you could see dem." 

    Like the Great Wall of China I shattered. And, I thought about rules and boundaries, respect and obedience. I thought about all of those things, then I bent down. I put my arms around him. After being quiet for a moment, I said to him, "Sethie, I have been looking everywhere for those magic balls, I sure am glad that you found them for me." He nodded his head, obviously proud of himself, smiled and ran out of the bathroom. 

   There I stood, looking at these ordinary old hair ties. I thought about how pretty and sparkly they were. I thought about how cheap they were and how they were like the ones mama used to put in my hair when I was a little girl. And, I left them there, hanging. I just cannot bear to move them. 

   This little boy of mine teaches me so much. They aren't hurting anything by being there. Sure, they aren't tucked away nice and neat. They aren't organized in my drawer where I keep all of my other hair ties. They are quite strange just being there. I mean, what would someone think that came over and saw them just hanging there? WEIRD! 

   I love this about my Sethie. I love that he gets into things. I love that he is curious. I love that he believes that these hair ties are magic. There's no harm in leaving them there. I cherish them now. You hear me? Cherish them. And here I was yelling and yelling and getting frustrated and huffing and puffing. Who gives a rip that they are there. 

   I am so thankful for Sethie. I am thankful to my hubby for helping me make him so pretty. I mean, he's pretty. And, I am thankful to my god for favoring me with all of these loves. I pray that he continues to open the eyes of my heart so that I can see things the way that my little Sethie does. Open the eyes of my heart.

Amen.